The Humane Society for Tiger

Somewhere we knew it was pointless right? To watch an interview with Tiger Woods and expect it to be micromanaged by a bunch of suits who keep reminding Tiger that they know exactly how to work this situation. We can’t keep falling for the illusion that this interview will be an exclusive must see programming. That you will somehow see something you’ve never seen.

Yet there I was, tuning in. Purely curiosity keeping me glued in front of the television, watching something scripted and so bland that all I could do was shake my head and be mad at myself for getting sucked in.

Its Tiger that brings us there. The superstar that makes us watch. The athlete who’s name rings out from this land to the Netherlands. No one can help being pulled in, your just there because its Tiger and you know you have to be there because you don’t want to be clueless during water cooler talk time.

The weekend offered us some of the best upsets during the first round of the NCAA tournament and yet here we are discussing Tiger’s 5 minute excercise in having no opinion.

Here’s what I don’t understand: what more do you want him to say? What more do you think he will give you if you ask him in 10 million different ways about the Thanksgiving night and about his therapy sessions? This guy has been trained by professionals to avoid answering anything that may give off an impression or lead someone down a lead small enough to uncover a bigger hole altogether.

Its no that he’s incapable, its that he will give it his all to be as vague as possible and here’s the thing we do know about him: if he puts his mind to it, he will succeed. He’s an elite athlete, a person who dominates a single player sport so thoroughly that he holds the fate of his sport in his hands.

When he steps onto Augusta for the Masters, he will do so with the entire sporting world watching his every move and yet he won’t blink or allow himself to flinch. He will absorb the first few boos and keep it moving because that’s who he is. He’s great at what he does and what he puts his mind to.

So who cares? He cheated on his wife multiple times and now he’s paying the price publically. He’s not the only person in America that’s done this though. He’s not alone in that demographic even in the tiny bubble that is Hollywood. Almost every star allows the fame to overtake any responsibility they have to their family and gives in to temptation. If he had tried at marriage he wouldn’t have cheated. He didn’t try thus he failed.

So what am I rooting for? I’m rooting for humanity to take over in Tiger. For him to show his human side. I am hoping he falls off the wagon and runs into a Houlihans and talks up a blonde bimbo and she becomes woman number I-think-America-lost-count-already. At least that way I will know he’s not some programmed machine. Then I will care. Then I will tune into his press conferences and actually hold out hope for Tiger. Then and only then. Until then he can keep his red and black sunday uniform. Give me a hat turned backwards, 5 days worth of scruff on his face and some bloodshot eyes and reeking of alcohol after coming straight from a 12 hour casino run. Give me humanity Tiger or save your breath.